How to take control

Our attitudes and beliefs determine our emotions.

These emotions then determine how resilient we are, and how we deal with challenges.

In many situations, we can choose how we view the world. We can see the worst in things and believe that we will fail, or we can reframe it and do our best to succeed.

Here’s an example.

A man, working in the media, felt that his boss was discriminating against him. Any promotion opportunities went to others, and his boss didn’t really speak to him.


He decided he needed to speak to his boss. However, he wasn’t looking forward to it.


He thought: “There’s no point in talking to him. He won’t listen and will give me negative feedback.”


He felt nervous, anxious and underconfident as a result of those thoughts.


It came across in the meeting, as he was inarticulate and didn’t make eye contact.


His boss didn’t really understand what he was saying. As a result, the boss thought less of him than he did before, even if there wasn’t an issue to begin with.

The poor performance came about because the man convinced himself he was going to fail. It could be seen as a self-fulfilling prophesy.

We can prevent this happening, however.

By ‘reframing’ our thoughts, we can think logically and change them into positives.

These fuel positive emotions, which lead to positive behaviour.

Our subject in the example didn’t speak much to his boss, so whywould opportunities come his way?

Why would the boss discriminate if they didn’t even know him?

The meeting should have been an opportunity to show the boss who he really is and what he can do. He could have articulated his ambitions and really made a good impression.

The meeting was an opportunity in itself, and not something to be endured.

Even if the boss continued to treat them badly, then at least they’d know it wasn’t his fault and could move on to somewhere that valued him.

By only dealing with the facts, we can avoid negativity and learn from situations we find ourselves in.

What’s more, it’s a skill we can practice.

In BounceBack’s Developing Resilience course, we show how it can be done. Follow this link to learn more about our resilience courses.

Take care,

Team BounceBack

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